What to Do When Your Wife Comes Out As Gay

By Ryk McIntyre

The first thing you do is...  get out of the way, 
this isn’t about you. Don’t stop loving her, but
let go of the shape of marriage. It won’t be easy.
That’s the reason hard songs say "love hurts...
it’s a wide river, a high mountain made of hope
and looking like sunrise." And this is
every bit a new day for her. You love her.
Of course you do. That won’t change,

everything else will. If you’re angry, OK.
In a way, you were lied to all these years
when she late wept, “I don’t know
what's wrong." Was she lying? Maybe.
Forgive her anyway, think how hard it was,
living in a world that told her,
“You can have your dream of a daughter...
just marry a man and don’t be you.”
Imagine feeling like the loneliest girl in the world.

You were family before this, be family still. Cuddle up
on the couch to watch movies. You left hands will adapt
to the strange weight of missing rings. Remember
the day you swore “For better or worse”? I bet
you didn’t imagine this, but welcome to Life,
with all its color shifts. Rainbows
don’t make sense, either, but there they are.

Oh, and you live with a lesbian now...
... Get used to rainbows...

Unlock your arms and practice the skill of letting go.
Love is energy, Love matters. Like all energy & matter,
change is the only thing that stays. This can’t be easy
for you either. Yet – you’re still here, helping
her break cocoon even if only by standing on the side
of love while it changes shape. For better or worse,
you will always love her. So love her differently.
Share girlfriend stories. Hold each other, like family should.
Now your daughter has two beds she can crawl into
when she gets scared at night. She feels safe
in her world because she sees her parents changing
but still loving each other.  For better or worse,
you loved this woman as your wife,
before she needed to butterfly.

Why would you stop loving her now?