By Calvin Trillin
A man who goes ballistic
At trivial rebukes
Is just the sort of person
One wants in charge of nukes
Showing posts with label Calvin Trillin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Calvin Trillin. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Friday, January 25, 2013
Mitt Romney explains why he lost
By Calvin Trillin
Obama was clever as clever could be;
To targeted groups he gave gifts that were free:
Say, healthcare for free until age 26,
And free contraceptives (for sex just for kicks).
Debates in the primaries left our team bruised
From harsh accusations the White House then used.
Whatever the reason for losing might be,
Of one thing I'm sure: it could not have been me.
I'm perfect.
Monday, October 22, 2012
The Ross Perot Guide to Answering Embarrassing Questions
By Calvin Trillin
When something in my history is found
Which contradicts the views that I propound,
Or shows that I am surely hardly who
I claim to be, here's what I usually do:
I lie
I simply, baldly falsify.
I look the fellow in the eye,
And cross my heart and hope to die -
And lie.
I don t apologize. Not me. Instead,
I say I never said the things I said
Nor did the things that people saw me do.
Confronted with some things they know are true,
I lie.
I offer them no alibi,
Nor say, "You oversimplify."
I just deny, deny, deny.
I lie.
I hate the weasel words some slickies use
To blur their pasts or muddy up their views.
Not me. I'm blunt. One thing that makes me great
Is that I'll never dodge nor obfuscate.
I'll lie.
When something in my history is found
Which contradicts the views that I propound,
Or shows that I am surely hardly who
I claim to be, here's what I usually do:
I lie
I simply, baldly falsify.
I look the fellow in the eye,
And cross my heart and hope to die -
And lie.
I don t apologize. Not me. Instead,
I say I never said the things I said
Nor did the things that people saw me do.
Confronted with some things they know are true,
I lie.
I offer them no alibi,
Nor say, "You oversimplify."
I just deny, deny, deny.
I lie.
I hate the weasel words some slickies use
To blur their pasts or muddy up their views.
Not me. I'm blunt. One thing that makes me great
Is that I'll never dodge nor obfuscate.
I'll lie.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Mitt Doesn't Think That Nearly Half the People In This Country Are Moochers After All
By Calvin Trillin
He was, he says, completely wrong;
To care for everyone is vital.
He’s singing now a different song,
And “Etch A Sketch” is that song’s title.
Previously published in The Nation, 10/29/12
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Mitt Romney As Doll
By Calvin Trillin
Yes, Mitt's so slick of speech and slick of garb, he
Reminds us all of Ken, of Ken and Barbie -
So quick to shed his moderate regalia,
He may, like Ken, be lacking genitalia.
Previously published in The Nation, 1/21/08
Yes, Mitt's so slick of speech and slick of garb, he
Reminds us all of Ken, of Ken and Barbie -
So quick to shed his moderate regalia,
He may, like Ken, be lacking genitalia.
Previously published in The Nation, 1/21/08
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Untitled
By Calvin Trillin
Scott Walker said that he was just a bloke
Who, knowing that his state was going broke,
Saw saving measures that he must invoke.
But then, when he obsequiously spoke
To someone who he thought was David Koch
(It wasn’t Koch; a guy had played a joke),
The phone pals made it clear they’d like to choke
Off unions’ rights, and saw this as the stroke–
A stoke disguised within a budget cloak–
To start the unions’ going up in smoke.
No surprise there.
Scott Walker said that he was just a bloke
Who, knowing that his state was going broke,
Saw saving measures that he must invoke.
But then, when he obsequiously spoke
To someone who he thought was David Koch
(It wasn’t Koch; a guy had played a joke),
The phone pals made it clear they’d like to choke
Off unions’ rights, and saw this as the stroke–
A stoke disguised within a budget cloak–
To start the unions’ going up in smoke.
No surprise there.
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