By Gregg Shapiro
My husband recently confessed that when he gets into bed
every night, pulls the top-sheet and comforter over his legs
and torso, locates the perfect pillow groove in which to rest
his weary head, he wonders if it will be the last time he ever
partakes in such an action. The constantly expanding and
evolving inventory of ills, pains, tremors, night sweats, thirst,
shortness of breath, urgent bathroom visits, restless legs, dry
mouth, vocalizations, and recurring teaching dreams, borders
on being Encyclopedia Britannica-esque, capable of overtaking
every inch of available shelf-space, entire rooms, personal real
estate. I don’t tell my husband that since he’s made me aware
of this, that I sleep lighter than before. Listening intently for
signs of life, spans between inhalation and exhalation, hints of
disruption. I never say I worry about where it is his horizontally
sprinting legs are taking him. Towards or away from me. Would
never share that every morning, I’m equally surprised that my
own eyes still open, although it takes longer for them to focus
than it used to. That when I stand and stretch and greet the day,
I am a bundle of knots and nerves, my heart rattling in my chest
like the loose seeds in a maraca, an instrument I will utilize for
the healing ritual I must perform when the time comes. I was
born vigilant, and ready for action when the dire moment arises.
Gregg Shapiro is the author of eight books including the poetry collection Fear of Muses (Souvenir Spoon Books, 2022). Recent/forthcoming lit-mag publications include The Penn Review, Exquisite Pandemic, RFD, Gargoyle, Limp Wrist, Mollyhouse, Impossible Archetype, Red Fern Review, Instant Noodles, Dissonance Magazine, and POETiCA REViEW, as well as the anthologies Moving Images: Poems Inspired by Film (Before Your Quiet Eyes Publishing, 2021), This Is What America Looks Like (Washington Writers’ Publishing House, 2021) and Sweeter Voices Still: An LGBTQ Anthology From Middle America (Belt Publishing, 2021). An entertainment journalist, whose interviews and reviews run in a variety of regional LGBTQ+ and mainstream publications and websites, Shapiro lives in Fort Lauderdale, Florida with his husband Rick and their dog Coco.
