Die

By Mitch Grabois

1.

Nurse Amy

observant and intuitive

came to tell me that Tiffany had escaped

I wondered if

she had figured out that I was in love with Tiffany

one of our patients

a chronic schizophrenic

2.

When I was four

my uncle gave me a square wooden coin bank

about the size of a fist

its sides painted with dots to make a die

Even that early he was trying to warn me about chance

and how much happiness depends on luck

The die was the only possession I kept from childhood

Its wisdom was the only wisdom I needed

It eclipsed all other understanding

3.

I’d never wanted to fall in love with Tiffany

--it was a struggle to get her to brush her teeth--

it just happened

No ethics board would accept that

as an explanation

4.

Though I loved the die, I had never cleaned it

and after forty years its surfaces were darkened and marred

Amy had brought me this terrible news

but maybe it was lucky that Tiffany had escaped

before I got into real trouble

On an impulse I picked up the die and tossed it to Amy

It wasn’t a good toss, but she reached out and one-handed it 

She was more athletic than I had imagined

5.

I felt in my bones that Tiffany would not be found

Then I shuddered

and felt nothing at all

6.

Each of Amy’s fingers

gripping the die

posed a question or offered a comment

The pointer asked: Where did she go?

The index finger: Will she come back?

The ring finger said: Her leaving, her escape, is totally unacceptable

The pinkie: Her return is a necessity

Amy’s thumb remained mute

pressed against the die

but there was a hiss from under the

cuticle-- Don’t wait, Hank, go find her


Mitch Grabois’ poetry and short fiction has appeared in over seventy literary magazines, most recently The Examined Life, Memoir Journal, and Haggard and Halloo. His novel, Two-Headed Dog was published in April by Dirt e-books, founded by NY agent Gary Heidt. He was born in the Bronx and now lives in Denver.