Sleeping and Waking

By Gregg Shapiro 

My husband recently confessed that when he gets into bed 

 every night, pulls the top-sheet and comforter over his legs 

 and torso, locates the perfect pillow groove in which to rest 

 his weary head, he wonders if it will be the last time he ever 

 partakes in such an action. The constantly expanding and 

 evolving inventory of ills, pains, tremors, night sweats, thirst, 

shortness of breath, urgent bathroom visits, restless legs, dry 

 mouth, vocalizations, and recurring teaching dreams, borders 

 on being Encyclopedia Britannica-esque, capable of overtaking 

 every inch of available shelf-space, entire rooms, personal real 

 estate. I don’t tell my husband that since he’s made me aware 

 of this, that I sleep lighter than before. Listening intently for 

 signs of life, spans between inhalation and exhalation, hints of 

 disruption. I never say I worry about where it is his horizontally 

 sprinting legs are taking him. Towards or away from me. Would 

never share that every morning, I’m equally surprised that my 

 own eyes still open, although it takes longer for them to focus 

 than it used to. That when I stand and stretch and greet the day, 

 I am a bundle of knots and nerves, my heart rattling in my chest 

 like the loose seeds in a maraca, an instrument I will utilize for 

 the healing ritual I must perform when the time comes. I was 

 born vigilant, and ready for action when the dire moment arises.  

Gregg Shapiro is the author of eight books including the poetry collection Fear of Muses (Souvenir Spoon Books, 2022). Recent/forthcoming lit-mag publications include The Penn Review, Exquisite Pandemic, RFD, Gargoyle, Limp Wrist, Mollyhouse, Impossible Archetype, Red Fern Review, Instant Noodles, Dissonance Magazine, and POETiCA REViEW, as well as the anthologies Moving Images: Poems Inspired by Film (Before Your Quiet Eyes Publishing, 2021), This Is What America Looks Like (Washington Writers’ Publishing House, 2021) and Sweeter Voices Still: An LGBTQ Anthology From Middle America (Belt Publishing, 2021). An entertainment journalist, whose interviews and reviews run in a variety of regional LGBTQ+ and mainstream publications and websites, Shapiro lives in Fort Lauderdale, Florida with his husband Rick and their dog Coco.