The Loudest Sound I Ever Heard

By Shelby Wilson

Her silence was the loudest sound I ever heard
Gaps in the space where nothing moved or changed
Non-existent facial expressions in a crucial moment
Left me in limbo
Unable to speak to fill the silence
I allowed it to linger like coffee stains on a wooden table
Looking in her eyes for a signal
An indication that it was safe to communicate
Her silence holding my words hostage
My voice on pause, my thoughts spinning out of control
Waiting for her to move or utter a word
Nothing, not a single response
Her body frozen in time
Leaving me longing to hear even a breath
Wanting her to hold my hand, giving me permission to relax
Instead the stillness left me internally screaming
Anxious and scared like a child looking for parental approval
How could her silence hold so much power?
It was more than just the silence that frightened me
Wishing for some form of awareness that she heard
An acknowledgement that my words penetrated her ears
Yet the silence stings my soul
Inadequacy and unworthiness come to my frontal lobe
As I try to comprehend this emotional affliction,
I feel to the emptiness
It was in that moment, I realized we had been filling the spaces
Ignoring the stillness, expecting the awkwardness to pass
Using sound and movement to carry our feelings and emotions.
Now aware, how do we fully express Devoid of physical contact
Her silence said so much without ever uttering a single word
It was the loudest sound I ever heard
Just before she shattered my heart.



Shelby Wilson is a performance poet and writer who has facilitated poetry workshops for YWCA and women-empowered seminars for Black Feather Poets. Shelby has self-published a book entitled Broken Wings and a chapbook entitled Serenity.