Dr. Burnout

By Millie Niss

Is not in he’s taking the afternoon off

To vacuum his office barcalounger

And test the springiness of the upholstery

With the new Jamaican receptionist

He’s been eyeing for the last two weeks

Dr. doesn’t want to hear about your feelings

After all, they’re immaterial the fall

Of psychodynamic psychiatry is well-past

So please stick to symptoms, side-effects and such

And leave the feelings for your twelve-step group

On overcoming therapy addiction.  Diagnosis

Is a mere formality useful for insurance purposes

We wouldn’t want you to read in any more

Meaning than can be coded in ICD-9 instead

We’d rather characterize your condition

By the characteristic response you have to

Certain pharmacologic agents so rather than to say

That you’re depressed which has so many extra-clinical connotations 
better to say you have

Prozac-responsive syndrome.  Don’t bother to detail

The depths of your despair how you want to throw yourself

In front of the number 104 bus and end it all, enough

To say you have suicidal ideation and not waste

The doctor’s time he is busy preparing his suntan

For the Psychiatric Association conference in Acapulco

Where it wouldn’t do to have pasty skin so please be brief

And to the point and pay your bill promptly the dr.

Is running a business not a charity so have your

Visa or mastercard ready (sorry no American express) as

You leave and please do not forget your next appointment

Careful follow-up is essential to correct treatment.

Previously published in Yale Journal of Health and Medicine