How I Got the Lead on Jeopardy

By Dave Chappelle

The score is 200
We’re all tied neck and neck
And it’s my turn to address Alex Trebek
I close my eyes and I thank the Lord
Finally, my category is on the board
“I’ll take fucked up things white people do for a thousand, Alex.”

A bell went off, this could mean trouble
“Today’s answer my friends is a Daily Double.”
I took a deep breath, I held myself steady
And Alex Trebek was like, “Dave are you ready?”
Hit the buzzer, “What is yes.”
And Alex said, “I didn’t ask you the question yet,”
“Now how much money you willing to bet?”

Smiled with confidence, my hand on my balls
I said, “Alex, I’m willing to bet it all.”
And Alex said, “Okay, here’s your question.”
“They stole these people’s land as they gave them syphilis.”
[Dave hits the mic like it’s a buzzer]
“Who is everybody that’s not white.”
Alex looks at the card disappointed
"Oh, my God, he's right."


Go here to hear Dave Chappelle reading this poem. Note: It's the second of two poems. The first one is good too...